I want YOU to want ME

I have been more acutely aware of my social interactions lately. The combination of my single status and my attempts to expand my social circle have made me aware of a couple of unhealthy social interactions in others and in myself.

I think that both cases result from insecurity (doesn't everything?). First is what I call "I want you to want me," this is when you attempt attract someone that you are not interested in just because you want the attention. In this case you are not actually interested in the person you are trying to attract but you attempt to attract them anyway if only to feel wanted. I am trying very hard not to do this. I haven't had a date in longer than I would prefer, and to add to that, there is nobody that I am really interested in and able to pursue (I have hopes but nothing solid). This leaves me feeling fairly alone, and I have to identify the urge to solicit interest in people that I am not a good match for and suppress it. I have seen it in others, usually manifested as flirting. It is usually harmless unless you fall for it.

The other side if this is how some people are attracted to people who damage their self esteem and keep them off balance. I have never had to deal with this. I decided a long time ago not to put up with people that treat me badly; but not everyone is as determined or well supported as me (I have an amazing family and friend network). I have seen people cling to abusive relationships because somewhere inside they have a need to gain the approval that will never come because it will never come. With this particular emotional dependency a person will be completely uninterested in people who approve of them writing off the easy approval as immaterial and gravitate towards the people who damage their self esteem out of a need to prove themselves.

I wish that I had taken some psychology classes when I had the chance. The human mind interests me a great deal.