Limited Bandwidth

It has been a difficult few weeks. I have been busier this last month than I have been in a long time, and I have been having a little trouble keeping focused, keeping up on all of my projects.

I am currently:

• Working a full time job
• Getting my general education credits in order so I can transfer as a junior
• Beginning a part time internship
• Studying for my CCNA exam
• Trying to live my life

The hardest part is staying focused and driven on all of these projects. Willpower is an exhaustible resource, and I have been running out. I get to the point at the end of my workday where I want play ingress (more on that later) or go see a play or have a nice dinner with my Novia. I am running out of bandwidth and need to find out how to accomplish all of my goals. 

Passing Througn

It is difficult some times for me to get comfortable with my job. I am the designated tech for setting up systems for new users and picking up the systems from users who are “no longer with the company.” It is an easy task but one that is not without a little bit of angst. I am painfully aware of what the turnover rate is at the company and of how some people don’t make it past a month, let alone six. I am also aware that I am the most junior member of the team and therefore the most expendable. I watch people come and go. Sometimes they are here for a couple of weeks and other times I hear about a coworker being honored for being with the company for 20 years. I cannot shake the feeling that I am not going to last that long. I may be here for years but not many.  I don’t exactly fear for my job (any more at least) but I am constantly aware that it will eventually come to an end.

I don’t fit the IT bill. The mindset of a tech is one of maintaining control and keeping the network safe and stable. While I understand and respect the need for that attitude, I am inclined to focus on innovation and solving problems. Whenever I apply out-of-the-box thinking, the response is “NO, that isn’t in the box. We don’t support that” That attitude is stifling to me. I know that I won’t make this job my career.

This brings me to the thought of what I want to do professionally. I have several irons in the fire as they say, but I am starting to wonder if I am dividing my attention too much. I am pursuing my IT career by working on earning a CCNA. I am beginning down the path to learn how to program by taking an introduction to CS class where I am learning the programing language C++. I am also about to try out selling my ceramic work on Etsy (this kind of half-in production pottery work would never have been possible before Etsy). Each of these pursuits has its own problem. The CCNA class will be useless if I leave the IT field. The programming may be out of reach if I cannot go back and get a BS in Computer Science. The pottery may be some pipe dream that is unsustainable in the real world. I have so much doubt but these are the best plans that I can come up with so I will go with them. 

Dreamlines

I have been reading Tim Ferriss's "The 4 Hour Work Week. I am finding it to be an interesting attitude adjustment. Just as Robert Kiyosaki's "Rich Dad Poor Dad" re-arranged my thoughts on what assets or liabilities are, "The 4 Hour Work Week" has seriously affected my thought process on what it means to work during the best years of your life.
I understand that the concepts in either of these books cannot be widely used by the public at large. If everyone in the world (or in the country) tried to make their living in real estate or through some niche internet business, then there would be nobody to do the real actual work that keeps the economy running. These books are very first-world information-age. It may be somewhat conceited to say that I am special (and everyone thinks that they are) but I am not your average minimum-wage lifer. I am (or will make myself into) the kind of person these books apply to.
The thoughts that are going through my head now are about the whole concept of retirement and its place at the end of a long career. The contemporary wisdom is that you are supposed to work hard for the best years of your life, saving and sacrificing so that when you are old and sick you have enough money to pay high prescription prices long into your 80's and 90's. As you can no doubt tell from my word choice, I am not enamored with this prospect.
To satisfy the traditional model, I have spent a lot of time reading books and have been testing a small (but growing) portfolio of stocks for a few years. I am very dedicated to constructing a healthy retirement. I keep informed of the current financial environment and of the different things that people invest in. This approach is a slow and deliberate one. The question remains, what about now? what about the best years of my life?
Tim puts forth the idea that you don't have to work your whole life away and that you can create cashflow from a low maintenance business selling some niche good and outsourcing almost all of the work. I am not taking his approach for gospel but he still has quite a few lessons to teach about what work you need to do for yourself and what you can pass off for others to do for you. He encourages you to reach for your unrealistic goals called "dreamlines" (like timelines for your dreams). Sometimes sensibility can be a cage that you only realize you were in when you look back at it from the end of your life. I have been caught for a long time between the desire for things that seem unrealistic and the inability to make that leap of faith and give it a shot.
It really reminds me of some of my artist friends and how they are willing to work second jobs or collect unemployment in order to do the acting that they love. I have been wondering if I have that kind of dedication.
To that end, and with the added support of my currently stable job, I am going to dedicate myself a little bit more to artistic goals. I have bought a used electric kiln and will be borrowing an electric wheel from a friend. It seems that an Etsy shop is inevitable.

There is a logical break here.
I am talking first about working less and then talking about adding ceramic work to my workload. The link is that I would be doing what I love to do. Would it really be work? some people say that the best way to ruin a hobby is to make it your job, while others say that if you find a job you love you will never work another day in your life. I will find out. I am going to give some of my time to being an artist with an art blog and website and store. I already have the name and will be filling in the spaces in the next couple of months. I am Makermead.com I have @makermead on twitter and I have the username Makermead on etsy. I have been slowly collecting these things over the past 6 months with this dream in mind. I have been denying it even to myself but this is what I want and I have to try it.
The craft that I am best at is ceramics, and that is where I will start, but that is not where my passion ends. I want to do woodwork, weaponsmithing, bookbinding, painting, writing, and meadmaking. I don't know what is next on the list but I know that there will be more. I want to visit others and do write-ups on my blog. I want to show off my shop and others, my methods and the methods of my contemporaries. I hope that this project will grow from a simple shop selling bowls and cups to the foundation of a multiple discipline artistic endeavor with occasional collaborations and a community. I hope this is only the beginning.

FTE

This past Tuesday I became a full time employee instead of a freelancer. I am now really part of the team. It has been a challenging four months to get to this point. Between being very green at my job and having a difficult boss, I had some trouble adjusting to the new position. The last few weeks have been a large change. I have had a chance to learn some things, change the way i do some things, and prove myself and my boss has realigned his attitude. Now things are good. I don't feel apprehensive about going in to work and I no longer feel like I am on the precipice of being fired. I can focus on more than just survival now. I can look forward to fun and amazing things in the future.

Networking

I just finished my final for the first in a series of four classes that I am taking to earn a Cisco Certified Network Administrator (CCNA) certification. After many days of browsing the web during class, I came out with a 94% in the class. Now I have a couple of weeks before the next class begins. I hope that this will all be worth it because the next class is on Friday nights and Saturday afternoons.

Work continued

It has been a few weeks now since I started my new job. It has not been a smooth ride.
My boss and I do not see eye to eye and that has been a bit of a problem. We don't use the same words, phrases or descriptions. We don't live our lives similarly and we don't relate to other people in the same way. It has been difficult to adjust myself to his expectations.
He is typically in the office at least a half hour early and tolerates NO tardiness I had gotten used to an amount of leeway in normal operations, and now I need to be there early for fear of being late. I was 2 minutes late yesterday and that was not good enough. Today I was 10 minutes early. I am allowed NO personal computer use at work. I was looking into how to root my phone and he called me on it (way after the fact). I was tracking a package and he asked me if it was work related (it was). I am the new guy and even though the other guys get there at +/- 5 minutes and check personal email, I am held to a different standard. So be it. At least he doesn't expect me to eat my lunch at my desk while working like he does.
I am friends with his boss (lets call him Dubbs) and I have found out through him that he is the only reason I haven't already been fired. I was close to being fired for these transgressions before I even knew that they were problems. My boss was ready to cut me loose after two weeks. This company puts a serious focus on interrelations and personal growth so much that they have documents outlining how to properly guide the growth of new employees by developing goals and setting 90 day growth plans. These documents are available to anyone in the company and I dare not even suggest to my boss that he read them.  I started by trying to pattern my behavior after those around me but that wasn't good enough. Now I have been given more guidance and I am trying to conform. I am worried every day that I will lose this job. I have at least 90 days as a freelancer before I have any sort of pretense to stability, but the point of no return is actually February 20 when I have to decide if I am going to drop my classes (and thus abandon my schedule for getting a Bachelor's degree) for this job.
Its like walking on eggshells every day. I like the work other than that, I get to walk around and meet the other people who are almost all nice and I am learning a great deal about computers. The atmosphere is generally positive and the amenities are generous. My team is full of competent intelligent people. I know a bunch of people that work with the company and really think that I can form good friendships there. The only problem is my immediate supervisor. I just need to apply myself and struggle through this.

New Job

I got a new job on Monday. I was called in for an interview for a desktop support position in an IT department that a friend of mine manages. I spoke to my friend, and he had me come in for an informal interview with the person who would become my boss. It went well and he was able to offer me the position. It wasn't a total hookup; my friend was given my resume by HR after I applied for a different position at the same company, and he ran it by my supervisor to get the OK from him. I have a 90 day freelance period to prove that I can handle this job, and I am determined not to let myself, my girlfriend and my friend down.
My first day was Tuesday and I have tried to soak up as much knowledge as I can. The IT team knows that I don't have all the knowledge to do the job, and they are prepared to train me up on how things are done. I am eager to learn whatever I can and to prove myself. I am excited and nervous at the opportunity and the challenge. On one hand I know that I can learn this but on the other hand, I know that my success in this position hangs on a thread. If I don't perform, or if the company decides that they don't need me or if my boss doesn't like me, then I am out.
So far it has been a wonderful experience. The company is a very good one and the people are very kind and welcoming. My team is very smart and capable, and they are all willing to take time to teach me the things that I need to know. I really want to keep this job and will have to work hard to do it. I need to step up my game and learn more about computers than I ever thought I would need to know, but I am up to the task.

Career Paths

It has been a long journey from community college to work, and back to community college. Seven or so years ago I decided that I didn't need any more school and that it was time to get to work. I took my associates degree and forged on. I had a job with a small company and plenty of room to grow. The economy turned down and my job dried up. I was lost and without needed to figure out a new career plan. I retreated back to school and re-rationalized my situation. "I need a four-year degree." I told myself. "I need to follow the standard education plan in order to succeed in the world of business." I said. I changed my opinion completely from what I had asserted before.

It really goes to show how circumstances can affect your rationalization of facts. I have selected which facts to pay attention to and which to ignore at each stage in my career path. When community college was becoming a drag, I moved on with the rationalization that the most wealthy people are not wealthy because of school. When work dried up I retreated to the familiar comfort of school, and the safety of the defined path of bachelors degree to career.

I am now at the potential beginning of something serious. I have gotten a job as desktop support with a large company. My job starts with a 90 day term as freelance during which they can fire me for any reason. I have three months to prove that I am worth keeping. I am able to look back at my rationalizations and dissect them for the truth of the matter.

It is true that the wealthiest people are not wealthy because of school. The wealthiest people have a drive and determination that is called being a "self starter" on job postings. I am not sure that I am a self starter. I need a little more guidance than that to really get going. I can't help but feel that this is a major character flaw and that I am a lazy person. I don't know how to fix this. How does one become a self starter? There can't be a class or a book, if you need help to self start then you are not a self starter. I am not sure what to do with this thought but it worries me and makes me feel like I am lacking.

I know that I am going to do whatever I can to keep this job. I have been researching the different certifications that I can earn through Microsoft, and am enrolled in the first of a series of classes to earn Cisco Certified Network Associate (CCNA) certification. I have a direction and I am determined to make progress. I need to acquire the skills to hold this job and along the way I will earn the certifications that will allow me to find another one like it if this one doesn't work out.

Marketing

I am in a place that I don't like: I have to sell myself to people and I don't like it. I much prefer to do things and let them stand for themselves. I want to show you what I have done, not tell you what I can do. The problem is that what I am selling is an intangible. I am selling my perspective performance.

I just got a call back from one of the resumes I sent out yesterday. I am going to interview for an 'Account Representative' position at a marketing company. I am hoping that it really is a marketing job and not a cleverly disguised customer service job. I don't have problems working with people but I prefer to work with clients and not customers. So, tomorrow at 10:15am dressed in a suit, I will find out what this is.

It strikes me how bad the typical marketing company's website is. Is it a rule that they must use flash (difficult to index by search engines) or music, or shitty site layout? And the copy is always nebulous. Its like if they say too much, then the prospective client will suddenly understand marketing and do it themselves.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Failure

I got news today about the job that I interviewed for recently. It seems that they "filled the position" I guess that is soft talk for "we hired someone else." I am very disappointed that I didn't get the job, but I am also sort of glad that I get to finish out the project that I am currently working on where I work now.

The big problem now is figuring out what direction to go next. Do I stop looking for work and stay in my current job? do I keep looking for work in my field or in the field of props making? Do I look for a marketing-type job like I interviewed for? I am now faced with a number of options and I am not sure what is best for me. I know that I can no longer accept the inconsistent work that got me to this point but if I have to move on where do I move to?

Interview

Yesterday I had an interview for a job that is outside my field of experience. I have spent the last six years installing professional audio and video broadcast gear and now I am trying to get a job in another field. Changing careers is a daunting proposition but I feel that it is time to move on.

No small part of this decision is my girlfriend's advice and support. The interview was with the same company that she works at but in a different position and with a different team. I know that trying to work for the same company as your significant other can be a bad idea but the positives so steeply outweigh the negatives that I have to give it a shot.

I am now in that uncomfortable waiting period where I have done all that I can do and now must wait for their decision. I am not still searching right now because I have months more work at my current job. I feel a little guilty because I may be ditching my team at a critical point where they need me, but I have to do what I think is right for myself and for my future.

Inflection Point

I have stopped working. I have decided that, given the facts, there is no reason to expect the company to turn around and become profitable again. This leaves me with a few options that I need to consider.

First let me mention that I have a solid savings. Even after the vacations that I have planned for August and November, I could probably live off my savings for a few months more. I have moved back to my mother's place for what was originally going to be a month before renting a house with some friends (that plan is dead and buried) and my bills are practically nothing. As excruciating as it is for me to be unemployed and living with my mother, I am not poor or uncomfortable at the moment. (To clarify, I don't mind being around my mother, I mind the social implications of living at home at my age, but not so much to go out and burn money on rent unnecessarily.)

Second I should mention an obstacle in the way of obtaining solid work. I have an almost three-week vacation coming up. I will be out of town late August to early September in eastern Europe. Any job that I attempt to get would have to be flexible enough to allow me the time away after only a month of working. I am not going to skip out on my vacation even if it means being unemployed until then. I could collect unemployment until then, or I could live off of savings.

I have a few options on how to proceed with getting a new job. First is the choice of what to do with my current job. I am now on zero hours per week, my boss will lay me off if and when I ask him to and I believe he would hire me to work for him again if he were able to make the deal he is trying to get to open an installation branch for another company. At this point I cannot wait any longer for this deal to go through, I need to secure another job and paycheck. If I get something temporary and the stars align enough to allow my boss to hire me again, then I will consider it then, but now I cannot count on it. So, I have to get some other job.

The jobs that I am looking at are through a couple of contacts that I have. I don't have anything concrete yet but I have a couple of potential positions. The first is an installation job wiring together some systems for the government. It is somewhere between a year and two years worth of freelance installation work. This job would be for more money then I was getting, but with no benefits and no security and in the same type of work that I think is a dead end for me. With the constant march of technology, I believe that skilled installers such as myself will find our jobs evaporate from under us. I expect that as systems get more powerful and easier to install, my services will be less in demand. I am not interested in hanging around until I become obsolete.

The second job connection is from an editor friend of mine who thinks that he can get me a job in the machine room of the facility where he used to work. The pay would be less then I make (don't make?) now, but it would probably be an employee position where I could move up to a better position. In this option, I would try to eventually become a supervisor to do the job of dealing with the client and keeping the editors on track and working at full efficiency. I would not be trying to become an editor due to my lack of stereo-vision and the inevitable dominance of 3D programming. This job is less likely for me to get and less pay but has a greater potential for the future.

I guess it mostly depends on which job I can actually get. I think the best outcome is doing the freelance thing between now and my vacation and then trying to get the permanent job after I come back.

Wish me luck.

Distracted

I am working onsite alone today and I can't seem to stay focused. I only got about four hours of sleep last night because I went out to karaoke (I sang Weird Science) and so I am dragging. The larger reason is that I have a girl on my mind. I have only met this girl twice but she is dominating my thoughts. I have a dinner date with her this Friday but I am impatient, I want more now!

It has been a long time since I have had this reaction to someone.

Resume

I have come to the hard conclusion that I need to find a new job, and to that end I need to write a resume. While staring at the blank computer screen thinking of my work history I realized that my entries are limited to an associates degree and one job. I have a wide array of scattered skills and am good in a team but none of that looks good on a resume. I think that I am going to have to rely on my meager contacts and some smoke and mirrors to get my next job. I have decided that in addition to a resume I am going to write a resume-website that I can have on business cards with a better explanation of why I am awesome complete with pictures and such. I have also refined my ideas about my crafting site and want to start a YouTube channel with crafting how-tos. I bought a small video camera and have been trying to think of a good domain name and youtube user name (suggestions welcome).

Depth

I just came to a shitty realization. There is no future for me in video editing. The place I was thinking of taking my career will inevitably outgrow me. I do not see in 3D, ever since birth my eyes have not worked together to create a 3D image of the world. I only catch glimpses every now and again of depth, and as video moves to the third dimension any learning I will have in editing will be for nothing. I will be like a colorblind person in the world of color movies.

Leadership

My brother and I have upgraded our memberships in our HapKiDo dojo to include the leadership program. This means that we have access to Wing Chung lessons, selected weapons training (currently eskrima), and actual leadership development that includes reading books on the subject. I have missed the two classes so far that have been held since I joined (because of work) but I bought the book and am reading it.

I have realized for a while now that leadership is a skill that is unparalleled. With good leadership skills you can leverage your knowledge and the skills of others to create something that neither could create individually. It is somewhat like investing, you find a good vehicle and put money into it and then the money grows. With leadership you find talented people, put ideas into them or link them with other talented people and you can build something very rewarding. I wish to develop this ability because I want to spend my life building things. I am also inclined to do challenging  things myself and ignore or procrastinate on the easy things.

My job is currently at a plateau. The company needs more work if it is going to survive and in the absence of work I am left doing things that are less than productive (like blogging). I am going to have to find work for us somehow, that is what a leader would do. I am going to take some advice from my friend Rob, and make an attempt to become more active in the post-production social scene, whatever that means. For now I am going to try reading and posting on boards, and getting the company name out there.

Personally, I have an idea that I want to bring across to reality. I know that I want to create a website for the various crafts that I do. I want it to be a reference, and a magazine. A place with how-tos, reviews, interviews, and studio tours. I think that if I was looking at doing this 15 years ago, I would be trying to put together a magazine but since we are firmly in the internet age I am going to try to make a more rounded and linked together website with a wiki, blog, video channel and whatever else I need to get the job done. I have some very talented friends and hope we can pull this thing together.

Getting Worse

Today at work we had a little talk. It seems that things are not going so well. I have to decide what to do next.Weeks ago when a friend called to tell me about an assistant editor job, I considered the possibilities of moving on into a related field. I talked to the boss and he said that he wanted me in the company so I shelved that idea and stuck around. Now I don't have that offer and it seems that the company is in serious trouble. We had an offer to buy the company but that seems to be gone due to legal matters. The company may dissolve and re-form but that is not certain and the time frame is questionable. Now I am losing money and facing tough decisions. I still have a good amount of savings but the future looks scary.

Terrible News

Seems that we didn't get the bid we spent a whole week working on. Now I have no idea where that leaves us.

Hollywood

I'm doing serious work I promise

View

This is the view from where I am working today at the corner of Olympic and Figueroa in downtown Los Angeles

A Good Read

Cliffs Books in Pasadena. Narrow corridors and countless books. I wish I could film a scene here.