Elizabethtown

I am sitting in my apartment watching Elizabethtown. I haven't seen this movie in what... Years? I first saw this with my then-girlfriend Sarah. I really like this movie. It strikes a cord with me like few other movies have. When I first watched it, every scene with the male and female leads made Sarah and me squeeze closer together. It seemed to fit us, the fun outgoing and impulsive girl and the more straight laced stable guy following her lead and learning to be more fun. It wasn't actually a good representation but we both liked to see it that way and so we did.

Watching this movie again, I keep remembering the way it felt to be with her, the bad parts are worn away by time leaving the shining gold of everything that was good between us. It is sometimes hard to see her or to think of her and remember that we do not belong together. Elizabethtown, Amelie, and Garden State, are movies that will always remind me of her, and what a great girl she is. Seeing her in her social scene where she shines is at the same time difficult and reassuring. (I would never see her in my social scenes)

I am afraid that this admission will cause everyone who reads this to think that I am not over her. There is nothing I can say about this. Nobody is really capable of telling exactly when they are over another person. All that I can say is that I would not have made the decision if I wasn't sure, and that I am ready to move on.

I was talking to one of my closest female friends about movies and happened to mention something about the character or the movie or something and we got to talking about character archetypes and she brought up what is called the "Manic-Pixie-Dreamgirl" and how ridiculous this troupe is. I don't know if she was right or not. I had a Manic-Pixie-Dreamgirl and although it didn't work out I am still looking for someone like that. I fall in love with Clare a little when I watch Elizabethtown. I see that kind of fun spirit and want that in my life.

I suppose that the question is whether that really exists or not, and secondarily whether someone like that is compatible with me. I am fairly sure that girls like this exist; my ex and a boatload of her friends are examples of this. The real problem is whether I can ever sustain a relationship with someone like this. Recent events seem to cast doubt on that. Am I too boring? Doubtful. Have I just not found her yet? Did I find her and so find the failure that must be the ultimate result?

I hope

Theatre geeks

It has been a fun weekend.

Saturday was relaxed and easygoing day, I had lunch with my brother and then we went to a friend's place to watch Evil Dead and Army of Darkness. After the movies we headed back to my brother's place where his already buzzed roommate said to me "so... Rocky?" I didn't need to be asked twice, so I grabbed him and my brother up and at 11:30pm we sped off to the Los Angeles Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Nuart theater. I had been 18 times before but I am more than willing to go again if someone new wants to go, and so there we met up with my ex-girlfriend and some of the friends I had made there. It was fun to see some of those people again and to be welcomed amongst people that I was afraid that I would not be able to be friends with after the breakup.

The next day we went to an improv theater show called The Dungeon Master. It is a sort of role playing sketch show improvisational thing. It was my second time going, but the last time I participated and I couldn't enjoy it as much as I did as purely an audience member. There is a discount for dressing up and both times I went in garb. the first time I was wearing my generic medieval stuff and this time I wore by brother's Ottoman style garb. Next time I am going to go full ninja. I already told one of the organizers that I will be there so I have to follow through. The head writer said that he was going to keep me in mind when writing the next episode. Also, his character is a pirate captain and we are going to play up the pirate-ninja rivalry. My brother already said that he was going to come out for the next one, and I hope to have a few more friends out. It promises to be great.

Why I Do This

I have been blogging here for a few years now and I suppose that it is about time to reexamine my motivations. Initially I was going to post mostly pictures here, because I had a few that I wanted to share in a more deliberate paced format than you get out of flicker. I also figured I was going to want to write something every now and again. After a while I started posting my workouts so I could keep track of them but I was never very consistent so it became a bad record. Now I use this blog to talk about the things that matter to me, and to keep my parents and friends in the loop about my goings on.

Thats right, I just said that my parents read this blog. "But you wrote about strippers in this blog," you say. I am one of the fortunate few people that has a good and open relationship with both of my parents. They know me for who I am and love the man I have become. I am so very grateful (love you Mom and Dad) for that connection.

I also use this blog for introspection and future reference. I want to be able to look back years from now and see what I was thinking at these points in my life. As I attempt to carve and shape myself into the man I want to be, I want to record it for future review. I also want the potential of sharing these thoughts with my children one day. That kind of live record of my life and thoughts may be interesting to the future me and possibly my future family. To that end I am attempting to be as honest as possible.

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At HapKiDo last night my injured ankle gave out under me while I was trying to execute a defense against punch technique. I am to do a foot-block at head height, step down and jump into a 180 spin-kick followed by a 180 low spin-kick. During the jump-180-spin, my left ankle gave out and I fell to the mat. This is not good. My Black Belt test is at the end of April. I hope I am healed up by then.

Monterey at night

2am walking back from the pub.

Imposter

This weekend I feel like I have slipped into another person's life, or perhaps several other people. On friday I drove up to Monterey, CA in my mothers car, which is much newer and nicer than mine. I have been staying in an apartment belonging to a friend who is out of town for the weekend, I am attending a wedding where I know about 10% of the people, and I am dressed in formal clothes that my brother bought for me one christmas because I didn't have any.

Strange town, strange car, strange people, strange home.

By the Bay

I am in Monterey for a wedding this weekend. I got into town at night and so far have only been to the apartment where I am crashing and a pub where a pre-wedding get together was held but already I love this place. To get to the pub I walked along a paved public path that goes from two blocks from the apartment right to the pub about a half a mile away. I could hear the waves lapping against the shore and the occasional cry of a seagull or bark of a sealion. The breeze coming off the ocean is chilly but invigorating. On my way back from the pub I had to stop and sit on the stairs leading to San Carlos Beach and just watch as the little white waves broke against the shore from a black ocean underneath a black sky. There are the lights from across the bay and the quiet sounds of 1am. It is amazing here. I am a little afraid that the morning will dispel this beautiful illusion but there is no helping that.

I already want to stay and I have only been here for 4 hours. I really owe Crystal for letting me use her couch while she is out of town.