Failure

Things have been bad for a while. I have less and less money every month. My job gives me only a day of work for every week or two, and I have not been able to find another job. Part of this is may be my unwillingness to search for retail positions. The end result is that I am once again looking to move back in with my mother. This time I will be taking my girlfriend with me.

This has been both a difficult and simple decision. I know that the rent that we are paying is unnecessary. I know that I will have the same amount of autonomy that I have now. I will also have access to more crafting space in the garage. I will be able to focus on getting my bachelors degree in as short a time as possible, without the added pressure of needing to work.

The problem is a social one. I have to move back into my mothers house after a second failed attempt to live on my own. Novia and I will once again be sharing our space. It is a hard thing to consider. I look around at the home we have put together and see that in two months, when our lease it up, it will all be gone. Our home will be dismantled, and the pieces will never again form the configuration that they hold now. The home that this apartment represents will cease to be. It will be another white box in another pile of boxes and the time we spent here will be over.

It feels like I have failed.

It hurts.