Tardyness

I'm writing a scene in my novel where the main character is early for a meeting and he is all jittery about it. He and I are habitually late people. The selfishness of that act just hit me. I need to work on that.

National Novel Writing Month

I have decided (somewhat last minute) that I will be doing National Novel Writing Month this year. I'm not sure what this will mean to my writing on my various blog/tweet/whatever and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to put down the 50,000 words required, but as they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Wish me luck.

Disconnecting

I am listening to episode 25 of the Tim Ferriss show podcast. Tim is talking to a man named Kevin Kelly about one of their favorite topics, dropping out of the "normal" workflow/social expectation and travelling the world. Kevin says that one of the life skills that he recommends and values is the ability to go out on your own and see how far you can get. He talks about the time that he traveled to Asia as a photographer despite not speaking any Asian languages. His point (at least in the first 15 minutes of the podcast) is that only by exploring, taking risks, and perhaps by failing and having to make the best of a rough time do you figure out what you really need in life.
I have found the idea of casting off into the world to be quite alluring. I am not that much of an outgoing person and I don't tend to make friends with the effortless ease of some people. However, if I had my early twenties back, I would do it. The thing is, I am in my early thirties now and I am in a different place in my life now. I know what I want. I need to create, I need to learn, and I want to be in a committed equal relationship (I love you pie). I have been slowly working towards building a life that can sustain those things. If I were to head off to the back country I would have fun for sure but I would shortly run out of intake capacity and would crave a return to my workspace where I could put what I have learned into motion in creative ways.
It is a good thing to know who you are. I am not captivated by climbing mountains, and discovering hidden valleys. I am interested in creation not exploration (not that I am opposed to exploration, but I have my priorities).
I can let go now of the consternation that I had been holding over not fitting into the kind of lifestyle espoused by Tim and Kevin. I am a maker not a seer, and I am happy to be so.

Tribes and Leadership

Leadership is a funny thing. It is sometimes confused with authority and sometimes confused with effectiveness. I am reading a book called "Tribes" by Seth Godin. He is an interesting character and quite a prolific author of what I have been calling "Success Literature." This little book talks about the tribes that develop around leaders and how leaders can shape culture and habits. I haven't even gotten halfway through it but I am already thinking about the implications.
I have been blogging for years for personal reasons. This blog is unlisted and marked do-not-index for search engines but I have branched out. I have tentatively started building a brand with @MakerMead, MakerMead.com, and I will likely eventually open and Etsy.com store with that same name. This is very basic preparation and not true leadership activity.
One of my favorite examples if this is kind of online leadership is ZeFrank. He is an internet personality with a strong following. He did a year-long project where he posted a vlog nearly every day. it was called "The Show with ZeFrank" and it was kind of amazing. He built a viewer community with forums and games and thoughtful comments. Ze was a leader with no authority, he played with the internet and the internet played back. When "The Show" ended, a good friend of mine suggested that it might be time for "The Show with Brian" and I shrugged off the idea with shyness or fear, or some combination of sour emotions. I was not ready to stick my face on the internet and talk.
I wonder if now is the time? What would I talk about? Art? Crafts? Politics? Ze would do political sections, thoughtful pieces, and silly songs. What would my show be about? Who would be my tribe? Is it time to find out?

10 years ago

Do much can chance in 10 years. Sometimes we are completely different people. This morning I can't help but think of how I've changed and how I haven't.
I am enjoying a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal, food and drink that I despised when I was 21.
I am prepping for a Pathfinder game last-minute. It used to be D&D but the late hour is the same as ever.
I am watching Skyfall as I prepare and I actually know the places in the movie. I have been to the grand bazaar in Istanbul and have walled past "MI6" in London. All done in the past few years.

What a ride.

Now I look forward to some time with my friends. It's been a few weeks since I've seen them.

My life does not suck.

First House

It looks like we will be getting that house in Santa Clarita. We have decided on a model in a new development and started the paperwork. These houses are not built yet so we have options on the counter-tops, floors, and more. It is going to be an exciting process. I am sad to be so far from the rest of my LA and OC friends but the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Love of Art

Scooter, Novia, and I went to a play reading last Monday. It was for a play called "Sextet" by Tommy Smith. The play was emotionally brutal and sexually charged (and even sexually brutal in parts). Afterward, we had a conversation about the play focusing on the sexual relationships, friendships, hatreds, and betrayals in the three love triangles in the play.
One of the themes in the play that can be overshadowed by the physical and emotional violence is the relationship between the characters and their art. In each of the three groups there is a composer and in one of the groups there is also a painter. (They were real historical characters but the author took great license so I will not go into who they were. Its also beside the point). The point is that all of the artists hated their work.
I have a mixed reaction to artists who hate their work. I know that the creative process can be frustrating, and I know that in the translation from concept to reality something is always lost. The thing that keeps me from despairing about that loss is that something is always found in the process. As an artist (and  I still have difficulty calling myself that), one must be open to the experience and not dominated by some monolithic vision. The inner word cannot ever be truly translated to speech or art, and to obsess over constructing something in the material world that perfectly embodies an artistic concept is an impossible task. Pursuit of this ideal can be fulfilling and wonderful but falling into hatred and despair over the inability to achieve the impossible helps nobody.
I have had my fair share of upsets when a project fell apart literally or figuratively but I am always energized by the creative act. This summer, I am not taking any classes and that has allowed me to work on some projects. I have been binding books, throwing pots, working wood, and having a blast. I will never be a tortured artist, I lack the narcissism, the self loathing, and the stamina. I wonder if this also means that I will never be a great artist? (I don't know what the right adjective is here influential? celebrated? ground-braking? popular?)
How about you? how do you relate to your art?