2am walking back from the pub.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Imposter
This weekend I feel like I have slipped into another person's life, or perhaps several other people. On friday I drove up to Monterey, CA in my mothers car, which is much newer and nicer than mine. I have been staying in an apartment belonging to a friend who is out of town for the weekend, I am attending a wedding where I know about 10% of the people, and I am dressed in formal clothes that my brother bought for me one christmas because I didn't have any.
Strange town, strange car, strange people, strange home.
Strange town, strange car, strange people, strange home.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
By the Bay
I am in Monterey for a wedding this weekend. I got into town at night and so far have only been to the apartment where I am crashing and a pub where a pre-wedding get together was held but already I love this place. To get to the pub I walked along a paved public path that goes from two blocks from the apartment right to the pub about a half a mile away. I could hear the waves lapping against the shore and the occasional cry of a seagull or bark of a sealion. The breeze coming off the ocean is chilly but invigorating. On my way back from the pub I had to stop and sit on the stairs leading to San Carlos Beach and just watch as the little white waves broke against the shore from a black ocean underneath a black sky. There are the lights from across the bay and the quiet sounds of 1am. It is amazing here. I am a little afraid that the morning will dispel this beautiful illusion but there is no helping that.
I already want to stay and I have only been here for 4 hours. I really owe Crystal for letting me use her couch while she is out of town.
I already want to stay and I have only been here for 4 hours. I really owe Crystal for letting me use her couch while she is out of town.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Las Vegas Strippers
It has taken me a while to get around to writing this entry because of the difficulty of the topic. I went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party and one of the places we went was a strip club. I learned a few things about myself, my friends, and strippers while I was there. The problem comes where I have to write this up and not sound like a jackass. So as a warning here, full disclosure: I am a man, and I am attracted to women.
The night started out at the Hoffbraeuhaus, where they sell beer by the liter (or half liter but that's for wimps). I had two of these colossal beers, a very large pretzel, and some hearty German wurst. There was a woman going around selling Jagermeister shots and spankings but I declined as I am not interested in either. One of our number bought not one but two shots with the wooden paddle chaser and all. After dinner we all piled into what amounts to a very short bus and headed over to the Spearment Rhino.
The strip club was not what I really expected it to be, it was much better. After an offensive cover charge we headed in to see some girls. The place was dark and padded, comfortable places to sit everywhere, had a main stage with a stripper pole and numerous other smaller stages elevated with girls dancing in view. When we got there there was a nearly one to one ration of patrons to strippers and by the time we left it had only dropped to about two to one. The girls that were not dancing on one of the stages were mingling with the patrons and offering lapdances or private dances. Our group headed over to a semi-separate area away from the main stage but in between two smaller stages (a raised circle about 4 feet above the floor with a railing around it), and started gathering the money together for bottle service. I being entirely new at this had no idea what that was but when I heard that they wanted $100 from each of us on top of the $50 that we had paid just to come inside I was less than thrilled. At my protest the idea got dropped (I must not have been the only cheapskate) and we sort of dispersed throughout the club with a small subset of us of rotating membership hanging out around the bar.
While we were sitting down I noticed that there were already strippers in the area chilling out, when I sat down one of them came to sit next to me. She was tall slim and dark skinned. I think she called herself Aria, and was wearing what amounts to teal underwear and very pointy heels. I decided to play this one straight and told her immediately that this was my first time at a strip club and I needed someone to let me know how things worked and what was protocol. She was fine with that and proceeded to be very helpful. When I got up to figure out the bottle service thing she followed me and put her arm around me. I took this as a cue and put my arm around her. She was very slim and tall, with the heels she was a couple of inches taller than me and walked with a very alluring grace despite the handicap of five inch heels. When the group fell apart we went over to the bar and as I was already satisfactorily buzzed I gave one of my two "free with cover" drinks to Aria and kept the other. She ever so gently convinced me to find a seat with her over closer to the main stage and so I followed her. We didn't have much room where we found any so she sat on my lap.
At this point let me mention how nice it was to have a beautiful woman in my arms again after four months without. She was warm and soft, a comfortable weight leaning against me, not enough to crush but enough to feel her body against mine. She smelled of makeup and mild soap, and all of my senses were focused on her. I have no illusions that she is a professional and good at her job. I know that she was entertaining me for money and that her goal was to seduce as much out of me as she could but underneath that on more basic level it was nice to have a pretty girl sitting on my lap, looking into my eyes and smiling.
I asked my stupid newbie questions and she answered them, I talked with her for a while and became fairly comfortable with her. I got a lapdance because I had wasted enough of her time unpaid and because it was the thing to do and because... well... hot girl! The lapdance was more enjoyable than I had expected. I don't know how strip clubs work in California but apparently you have to sit on your hands but not so in Las Vegas I was allowed to touch but not to grope or get aggressive. I was not in any dire need to push limits so I kept my hands limited to her hips and waist but this was still quite an experience. Without going into the gory details, a lapdance lasts for one song and the stripper removes her top and the small panties she is wearing over a smaller thong and wiggles around in a pleasing manner in close proximity. I hadn't expected to enjoy the dance as much as I did. It was a full sensory experience of scent touch and sight.
After the lapdance she sat back down on my lap and we talked for a little while more. I mentioned that I was thankful that she was being so patient with me and mentioned that strip clubs are not my scene and that I had been uncomfortable in the dance clubs that we had been to. She said that she was also not much of a dance club person either I am still not sure how much of that is bullshit. She tried to convince me to go for a private dance and got closer and more difficult to resist. Through my drink addled brain, I managed to hold on to my senses and declined. It also helped that the bachelor's younger brother dropped by to see if I was doing ok, and gave me an anchor with which to tear my mind from Aria. It was not an easy decision, but I am not going to pay $100 to see what is under the last piece of clothing and to possibly grope strange boob.I did however feel like I had taken enough of her time and so after a little while I got another lapdance and made good my escape. The second lapdance was a bit closer than the first one and I was quite overcome. I said my thank yous, paid her and made my escape.
I headed back to the bar to see who was there and found the same guy from the shot-spank deal earlier. He seemed to be having trouble paying for his bar tab this guy was wasted and staring droopy-eyed and helpless (probably from more than drink) so I covered his $40 and bought myself another drink on top of it. I talked to some of our group and spotted who I thought was the most beautiful girl there. To clarify I was at one of the best strip clubs in Las Vegas on a Saturday night (technically Sunday morning Valentines day) and despite (because of?) the dim light and pleasant buzz these were some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Knowing that I was surrounded by a dizzying array of gorgeous women in skimpy underwear, this was the one I thought was the most beautiful. I saw her dancing on one of the smaller stages and remarked about her to one of my friends. He said, "oh yeah Minnesota (she was thinking of calling herself Avenue, and her real name was something with an A. Amanda maybe) , She is new here, first week or two from Minnesota." I reattached my jaw and stumbled away to go see how the bachelor and his younger brother were doing. They were fine and by the time I got back to the bar a couple of friends were talking to Minnesota. I came over and couldn't resist a lap dance so in the only part of the night I regret I hit the ATM for a recharge.
Well she may have been ungodly beautiful but that girl could not lapdance worth a damn. After a fairly disappointing wiggle I paid her and It was about time to go. We grouped up, got back in our short bus and headed out to a club called Ghost Bar in the Palms.
I have written all of this to give context to the two main thoughts that came out of that night.
The first thing I realized is the full understanding that these places exist. That there are places in this world where dozens of gorgeous women are. At the moment that I write this there are various iterations of this place all over the world and that some are stocked with the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I am not sure what that means, but knowing that in my head is strange.
The second thing that has shaken my head about is what Aria said about not liking clubs. I understand that it may have been bullshit in this instance, that she may have been mirroring me in an attempt to be more attractive. I choose to believe that even if she was lying, some would not be. The kind of dance club confidence that don't yet posses is not something universal that I am alone in lacking. There are many people across many social scenes and levels of attractiveness that are just as uncomfortable in the pounding darkness of a dance club as I, and that perhaps we just need to figure that out and leave to somewhere more sane.
I had fun at a strip club yes but it is still not something I need to do with any regularity. I have no problem going again (provided I have some cash to waste) or never going again.
The night started out at the Hoffbraeuhaus, where they sell beer by the liter (or half liter but that's for wimps). I had two of these colossal beers, a very large pretzel, and some hearty German wurst. There was a woman going around selling Jagermeister shots and spankings but I declined as I am not interested in either. One of our number bought not one but two shots with the wooden paddle chaser and all. After dinner we all piled into what amounts to a very short bus and headed over to the Spearment Rhino.
The strip club was not what I really expected it to be, it was much better. After an offensive cover charge we headed in to see some girls. The place was dark and padded, comfortable places to sit everywhere, had a main stage with a stripper pole and numerous other smaller stages elevated with girls dancing in view. When we got there there was a nearly one to one ration of patrons to strippers and by the time we left it had only dropped to about two to one. The girls that were not dancing on one of the stages were mingling with the patrons and offering lapdances or private dances. Our group headed over to a semi-separate area away from the main stage but in between two smaller stages (a raised circle about 4 feet above the floor with a railing around it), and started gathering the money together for bottle service. I being entirely new at this had no idea what that was but when I heard that they wanted $100 from each of us on top of the $50 that we had paid just to come inside I was less than thrilled. At my protest the idea got dropped (I must not have been the only cheapskate) and we sort of dispersed throughout the club with a small subset of us of rotating membership hanging out around the bar.
While we were sitting down I noticed that there were already strippers in the area chilling out, when I sat down one of them came to sit next to me. She was tall slim and dark skinned. I think she called herself Aria, and was wearing what amounts to teal underwear and very pointy heels. I decided to play this one straight and told her immediately that this was my first time at a strip club and I needed someone to let me know how things worked and what was protocol. She was fine with that and proceeded to be very helpful. When I got up to figure out the bottle service thing she followed me and put her arm around me. I took this as a cue and put my arm around her. She was very slim and tall, with the heels she was a couple of inches taller than me and walked with a very alluring grace despite the handicap of five inch heels. When the group fell apart we went over to the bar and as I was already satisfactorily buzzed I gave one of my two "free with cover" drinks to Aria and kept the other. She ever so gently convinced me to find a seat with her over closer to the main stage and so I followed her. We didn't have much room where we found any so she sat on my lap.
At this point let me mention how nice it was to have a beautiful woman in my arms again after four months without. She was warm and soft, a comfortable weight leaning against me, not enough to crush but enough to feel her body against mine. She smelled of makeup and mild soap, and all of my senses were focused on her. I have no illusions that she is a professional and good at her job. I know that she was entertaining me for money and that her goal was to seduce as much out of me as she could but underneath that on more basic level it was nice to have a pretty girl sitting on my lap, looking into my eyes and smiling.
I asked my stupid newbie questions and she answered them, I talked with her for a while and became fairly comfortable with her. I got a lapdance because I had wasted enough of her time unpaid and because it was the thing to do and because... well... hot girl! The lapdance was more enjoyable than I had expected. I don't know how strip clubs work in California but apparently you have to sit on your hands but not so in Las Vegas I was allowed to touch but not to grope or get aggressive. I was not in any dire need to push limits so I kept my hands limited to her hips and waist but this was still quite an experience. Without going into the gory details, a lapdance lasts for one song and the stripper removes her top and the small panties she is wearing over a smaller thong and wiggles around in a pleasing manner in close proximity. I hadn't expected to enjoy the dance as much as I did. It was a full sensory experience of scent touch and sight.
After the lapdance she sat back down on my lap and we talked for a little while more. I mentioned that I was thankful that she was being so patient with me and mentioned that strip clubs are not my scene and that I had been uncomfortable in the dance clubs that we had been to. She said that she was also not much of a dance club person either I am still not sure how much of that is bullshit. She tried to convince me to go for a private dance and got closer and more difficult to resist. Through my drink addled brain, I managed to hold on to my senses and declined. It also helped that the bachelor's younger brother dropped by to see if I was doing ok, and gave me an anchor with which to tear my mind from Aria. It was not an easy decision, but I am not going to pay $100 to see what is under the last piece of clothing and to possibly grope strange boob.I did however feel like I had taken enough of her time and so after a little while I got another lapdance and made good my escape. The second lapdance was a bit closer than the first one and I was quite overcome. I said my thank yous, paid her and made my escape.
I headed back to the bar to see who was there and found the same guy from the shot-spank deal earlier. He seemed to be having trouble paying for his bar tab this guy was wasted and staring droopy-eyed and helpless (probably from more than drink) so I covered his $40 and bought myself another drink on top of it. I talked to some of our group and spotted who I thought was the most beautiful girl there. To clarify I was at one of the best strip clubs in Las Vegas on a Saturday night (technically Sunday morning Valentines day) and despite (because of?) the dim light and pleasant buzz these were some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Knowing that I was surrounded by a dizzying array of gorgeous women in skimpy underwear, this was the one I thought was the most beautiful. I saw her dancing on one of the smaller stages and remarked about her to one of my friends. He said, "oh yeah Minnesota (she was thinking of calling herself Avenue, and her real name was something with an A. Amanda maybe) , She is new here, first week or two from Minnesota." I reattached my jaw and stumbled away to go see how the bachelor and his younger brother were doing. They were fine and by the time I got back to the bar a couple of friends were talking to Minnesota. I came over and couldn't resist a lap dance so in the only part of the night I regret I hit the ATM for a recharge.
Well she may have been ungodly beautiful but that girl could not lapdance worth a damn. After a fairly disappointing wiggle I paid her and It was about time to go. We grouped up, got back in our short bus and headed out to a club called Ghost Bar in the Palms.
I have written all of this to give context to the two main thoughts that came out of that night.
The first thing I realized is the full understanding that these places exist. That there are places in this world where dozens of gorgeous women are. At the moment that I write this there are various iterations of this place all over the world and that some are stocked with the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I am not sure what that means, but knowing that in my head is strange.
The second thing that has shaken my head about is what Aria said about not liking clubs. I understand that it may have been bullshit in this instance, that she may have been mirroring me in an attempt to be more attractive. I choose to believe that even if she was lying, some would not be. The kind of dance club confidence that don't yet posses is not something universal that I am alone in lacking. There are many people across many social scenes and levels of attractiveness that are just as uncomfortable in the pounding darkness of a dance club as I, and that perhaps we just need to figure that out and leave to somewhere more sane.
I had fun at a strip club yes but it is still not something I need to do with any regularity. I have no problem going again (provided I have some cash to waste) or never going again.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Crushed
It has been a while. I broke up with Sarah at the end of October and that means it has been almost 5 months single. I am still in that place where I don't want a long term relationship. I feel selfish with my time and my space but I also feel lonely and untouched. I don't have anyone that I am actively interested in at the moment so I have nobody to focus my attention on.
There is a desire growing inside me that I haven't felt in a long time. I have a few friends that I find attractive for different reasons and incompatible for even larger and different-er reasons, and I find myself wanting to make physical contact. Nothing more than sitting shoulder to shoulder or making some other kind of skin-on-skin contact. It is a kind of closeness that I really miss. The thing is that I know that these girls are not right for me and I am not right for any of them but that small amount of attraction leads me to desire contact. My hand touching hers or perhaps my fingers running through her hair. A small token of affection. A small sign of togetherness.
I am not yet so desperate that I am getting all awkward and flirting with girls that are my friends but I can feel it at the back of my head. I understand now how some people can make the mistake of making unwanted personal contact. I feel it there inside of me, the desire to hold someone close, and the void inside my heart where a girlfriend goes.
I'm not even sure what I want.
There is a desire growing inside me that I haven't felt in a long time. I have a few friends that I find attractive for different reasons and incompatible for even larger and different-er reasons, and I find myself wanting to make physical contact. Nothing more than sitting shoulder to shoulder or making some other kind of skin-on-skin contact. It is a kind of closeness that I really miss. The thing is that I know that these girls are not right for me and I am not right for any of them but that small amount of attraction leads me to desire contact. My hand touching hers or perhaps my fingers running through her hair. A small token of affection. A small sign of togetherness.
I am not yet so desperate that I am getting all awkward and flirting with girls that are my friends but I can feel it at the back of my head. I understand now how some people can make the mistake of making unwanted personal contact. I feel it there inside of me, the desire to hold someone close, and the void inside my heart where a girlfriend goes.
I'm not even sure what I want.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Movement
I am going to be moving. I am very happy living alone, but there are some advantages possible by leveraging two or three peoples rent money. I have been looking into three bedroom houses with my brother and a friend of ours. We have been looking primarily in Pasadena, and are ready to submit applications.
I am a little anxious to be living with people again. I have been living alone for more than two years now and I appreciate the privacy. I know that living with my brother will be fine, but our friend is another matter. I met her years ago and am now starting to actually get to know her. So far we get along well but we shall see.
I am a little anxious to be living with people again. I have been living alone for more than two years now and I appreciate the privacy. I know that living with my brother will be fine, but our friend is another matter. I met her years ago and am now starting to actually get to know her. So far we get along well but we shall see.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Huge Weekend
This past weekend was filled to the brim with friends and family. Lets take it one day at a time.
I took Friday off of work and spent all of that morning catching up on my sleep. In the afternoon my friend Peggy came up from the OC and we made our plans for a fun night out. Unfortunately one by one our friends all decided they had better things to do that night and we lost our group. Undaunted, we headed out anyway for old town Pasadena funtimes! We hit a few places, caught some beers and took in some live bands. All in all it was good stuff.
I got a little sleep that night and on Saturday morning I headed over to my HapKiDo studio for my brother's Black Belt test
I took Friday off of work and spent all of that morning catching up on my sleep. In the afternoon my friend Peggy came up from the OC and we made our plans for a fun night out. Unfortunately one by one our friends all decided they had better things to do that night and we lost our group. Undaunted, we headed out anyway for old town Pasadena funtimes! We hit a few places, caught some beers and took in some live bands. All in all it was good stuff.
I got a little sleep that night and on Saturday morning I headed over to my HapKiDo studio for my brother's Black Belt test
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